A guide to personal references

During the job application process, it’s common for an employer to ask for both personal and professional references. These references should shed light on your skills and characteristics, and verify your previous work experience. 

Understanding the difference between personal and professional references, and the different roles they play, will help you decide on the best referees for your needs. In this article, we explore how to select the right people for your references, how to approach them, and next steps after they respond. 

Why are personal references important? 

Personal references are a great way for hiring managers to get a feel for a job applicant. While your resumé and cover letter highlight your skills and work experience, a personal reference helps create a fuller picture of who you are beyond your professional persona. A reference will often speak to your character, reliability and how you interact with others. This adds a layer of trust and credibility to your application.

Employers are looking for applicants who fit not only the job description but also the company culture. Personal references complement your professional qualifications by providing evidence of your soft skills, such as communication, adaptability and emotional intelligence. In close calls, where several applicants have similar technical skills and experiences, personal references can tip the balance in your favour. 

How to choose the right personal references

For an impactful personal reference, you need to choose a personal referee who knows you well. What is a personal referee? It’s anyone who can vouch for your positive attributes and desirable character traits – and it doesn’t have to be someone you’ve worked with before. 

What is a personal reference?

A personal reference is a recommendation from someone who knows you personally. Unlike professional or academic references that focus on your skills, qualifications and professional achievements, a personal reference provides insight into you as a person. These references comment on your resilience, empathy, integrity and how you relate to others on a personal level. 

A personal reference can be a written letter or it can be verbal and provided over the phone. In some cases, a hiring manager may contact your references via email. 

How to select the right person as a personal reference 

The best personal references often come from people who have known you for a long time and have seen you demonstrate your personal qualities in real-life scenarios. They could be mentors, coaches, family friends, or members of an organisation or community group you’re involved with. Ideally, they have high social standing: teachers, justices of the peace, your GP, or local business or community leaders, for example.

Consider the following:

• Trustworthiness: choose someone who is reliable and who you can trust to speak positively about you. 
• Familiarity with your skills and achievements: people who are well-acquainted with your personal strengths, character traits and achievements. 
• Communication skills: ensure your references can express their thoughts clearly, positively and confidently. Their ability to communicate clearly is essential.
• Your past actions: choose someone who has consistently seen the best in you.
• Consider the relationship dynamic: your reference should feel comfortable and confident in speaking openly and positively about you. 
• Provide a range of references: aim to select a few different references who can highlight different areas of your character and achievements. This can provide a fuller view of who you are.

What’s the difference between personal and professional references?

While personal references offer insights into your character traits and personal life, professional references focus on your work-related abilities and experience. Professional references typically come from former employers, supervisors, colleagues or academic instructors. Their main purpose is to confirm and expand on the information in your resumé and cover letter. They provide insights into:

• Your skills, expertise, and ability to perform job-specific tasks.
• Your work ethic, including reliability, diligence and your approach to professional responsibilities.
• Your interpersonal skills, especially those relevant in a professional setting, such as teamwork, communication and leadership abilities.

When choosing professional references, it’s important to ask people who can vouch for qualities that match up with the role you’re applying for. For example:

• If teamwork is crucial: choose a reference who has seen you in a team environment, such as a former team leader or colleague. They can talk about your ability to collaborate, resolve conflicts and contribute to team goals.
• For leadership roles: ask someone who has seen your leadership qualities in action, like a supervisor or mentee. They can provide insights into your leadership style, decision-making skills, and how you motivate and guide others.
• In client-facing positions: a reference from someone who has seen you interact with clients, like a client themselves or a manager, can talk about your customer service skills, professionalism and ability to manage client relationships.

Who to choose as a personal reference

Choosing the right personal references is an important step, as these people can significantly impact how potential employers perceive you. Let’s explore who makes an ideal personal reference and why.

Examples of personal referees

A personal referee should be someone who knows you well. Here’s a shortlist of who can be a personal reference.

• Former teachers or professors: teachers or professors can be excellent personal referees, especially if you’ve just graduated. They can speak to your learning ability, work ethic and academic achievements, providing plenty of insights.
• Coaches or mentors: whether in sports, arts or other fields, coaches and mentors can comment on your ability to receive and act on feedback, your dedication to achieving goals, and how you interact and collaborate in a team setting.
• Community leaders or members: if you've been actively involved in community service or local organisations, leaders or fellow members can talk about your character, reliability and commitment to community value.
• Close professional contacts: while they lean more towards professional references, close professional contacts can also make good personal references. They can provide insights into your personal qualities in a work setting, like your interpersonal skills, adaptability and how you handle work-related challenges.

How to request for personal references

When asking someone to be your personal reference, be upfront about what you want them to provide, and be as courteous and professional as possible.

Prepare your request

Not sure how to approach someone to be your personal referee? Here’s how to prepare:

• Pick your time: choose a good time to approach your potential reference, ideally when they aren’t overwhelmed with their own responsibilities, so they’re more likely to say yes.
• Update your resumé: have an updated resumé ready to share, to provide them with an overview of your skills and professional experience.
• Prepare a summary of achievements: along with your resumé, prepare a brief summary of the achievements and the qualities you would like them to mention in their recommendation.
• Explain your choice: let them know why you chose them to provide a reference for you. For example, I’m reaching out to you as I trained under you for three years and you have personal experience of my tenacity and resilience. This personal touch can help them understand the value they can add to your application.

Personalise your approach

Your relationship with the person will dictate how you approach them. An email may work for formal or distant contacts, while a phone call or a face-to-face meeting might be better for those you have a closer relationship with. It’s important to choose a method that feels natural for both you and your potential reference.

Be clear and specific about why you’re asking them for a reference. This includes:

• Mention the job: clearly state the job you’re applying for. This helps the referee understand what qualities or experiences might be most relevant to highlight.
• Explain why they’re a great reference: tell them why you think their recommendation would be ideal for this particular application. 
• Address focus areas: discuss what you’d like them to focus on in their reference. This could be specific instances or qualities they have witnessed that you feel would support your application.

Provide context

When you’ve decided to ask someone to be your personal referee, you want to offer them as much context as possible, so they can tailor their reference. Start by sharing your job search goals and letting them know why you’re interested in the specific role. 

Next, give them an overview of the job you’re applying for. You may even want to share the job description or main points about the role. Having this information helps them understand what the employer’s looking for, so they can talk about aspects of your character and experience most relevant to the position.

Make it easy for them to say yes

Asking someone to be a reference for you is asking them to take on considerable responsibility. It’s important to make it easy for them to agree – or politely decline if they wish. 

When making your request, acknowledge they might be too busy to provide a reference. Explain that there’s no obligation and that you understand if they can’t do it. Offering an easy out shows professionalism and respect.

Not everyone might be immediately sure of what to say in a reference. Offer to provide a list of points or experiences that you think they could highlight. These points should be based on your interactions and relevant to the job you’re applying for, to make them more likely to agree.

Show appreciation

Always show appreciation when someone goes out of their way to provide a reference. Start by thanking them for considering your request, regardless of their response. This can be done in person, over the phone or through a follow-up message. Expressing gratitude shows you appreciate their time and the thought they put into your request.

If they agree to be your reference, follow up with a thank-you email that includes all the essential information they’ll need. This should include:

• Your resumé: provide an updated resumé to bring them up to date with your current qualifications and experiences.
• Job description: share the job description or main points about the role, so they can tailor their reference.
• Specific points: if there are certain qualities or experiences you’d like them to emphasise, include a brief list or summary. 

Handling the response

How you respond to your potential referee’s decision is just as important as your initial request. Here are some quick tips. 

If they agree:

• Confirm contact details: once they have agreed to be your reference, confirm the best way for them to be contacted by potential employers. This could be via email, phone or through a professional networking platform. 
• Keep them informed: update your referee about your job search progress. Sharing any relevant updates or outcomes keeps them engaged and shows your appreciation for their involvement.

If they decline:

• Respect their decision: if they decline to be your reference, politely accept their decision. Make sure to thank them for considering your request, showing understanding of their decision.
• Maintain a positive relationship: how you respond can influence your ongoing relationship. Expressing understanding and maintaining a positive demeanour leaves the door open for future support.

Personal references are an important part of a job application, offering potential employers a glimpse into your character and personal attributes. They complement your professional qualifications, providing a well-rounded view of who you are, both in and out of the workplace. 

FAQs 

How do I decide whom to ask for a personal reference?

When deciding who to ask for a personal reference, choose people who know you well and can positively talk about your character, ethics and personal qualities. Consider former teachers, coaches, community leaders or close professional contacts who have seen your personal strengths in action.

What’s the best way to approach someone for a personal reference?

The best way to approach someone for a personal reference depends on your relationship with them. It can be via email, by phone or in a face-to-face meeting. Be specific about why you are asking them and provide context about the job you’re applying for.

Can I ask a family member to be a personal reference?

It’s not a good idea to use family members as personal references, as employers will view them as being biased (which they are). Instead, choose someone from your wider personal network who can offer a more objective and balanced view of your character.

How many personal references should I have ready for my job application?

You should aim to have two or three personal references ready for your job application. This number allows for a range of perspectives and ensures you have alternatives if one is unavailable.

What information should I provide to my personal references about the job I’m applying for?

Provide your personal references with your updated resumé, the job description and important points about the role. Also inform them about specific qualities or experiences you'd like them to highlight.

What should I do if a potential personal reference declines my request?

If someone declines to be your reference, politely accept their decision and thank them for considering your request. It’s important to maintain positive relationships with people in your network, as your paths may cross again in the future.

Is it necessary to inform my personal references every time I list them on a job application?

Yes, it’s courteous and professional to inform your personal references each time you list them on a job application, if you know they’re going to be contacted. This means they’ll be prepared to give their recommendation to the hiring manager.

How can I thank my personal references for their support?

You can thank your personal references through a thank-you note, email or call, expressing gratitude for their time and support. Following up with them about your job application’s outcome is also a nice gesture.

What should I do if my personal references are asked questions they can’t answer?

Ask your references to be honest if they’re asked questions they can’t answer. They can focus on the areas they are familiar with. You can also prepare them beforehand with main points they might be asked about.